Considering how concerned I was this week, I'll take it! :)
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
A minor hiccup
After a weekend eating and drinking things I shouldn’t have, by Monday I felt like poo and was very down on myself for indulging too much. More than that, I was afraid I was losing control of what I had worked so hard to do for the last couple months – that I was slipping back into the unhealthy eating habits I used to have. In addition, my plantar faciitis has been even worse this week, and my carpal tunnel hasn’t gotten any better, so I'd had to modify my workouts even more to avoid further injury.
And then I stepped on the scale on Monday morning and was not happy at what I saw – I had gained back both pounds I’d lost the week before. Sure, it’s normal to fluctuate a bit, and sure, I am at a particular point in my cycle looks the worst on the scale, but I was still pissed off. I was so pissed off I couldn’t write about it, which is saying a lot for me!
Now that it’s a few days later, and I’ve been back on the healthy food and (modified) exercise plan, I’m finally making myself write this. I am still a bit concerned that I couldn’t hold to the plan like I wanted to, but that is being evened out by my much better choices this week (I even passed up free candy bars!).
One other thing I’m pretty happy about is what I did after seeing that scale number. My previous M.O. was to see the number, get frustrated, whisper “fuck you, scale” while glaring at it, and go back to slothing around and eating whatever I wanted.
THIS TIME, I saw the number, got frustrated, said “fuck you, scale,” and WENT BACK ON THE FREAKING PLAN.
As you might surmise from my excessive use of cap lock, this is a big deal for me.
I’m still apprehensive about measuring and weighing in this weekend, but I won't let that stop me from making better choices.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Round 2 Begins
Starting Round 2 was both easier and harder than starting Round 1.
I had a celebratory weekend where I allowed myself to splurge a bit on wheat products and grown-up beverages, though much less quantity than I would have regularly eaten before starting this. (I started to write out what I had eaten, but seeing the list – even a partial list – made me feel ashamed. I’m almost equally ashamed for deleting the list, but I just couldn’t post it. Good lesson for next time, methinks.)
The easy part:
Throughout the weekend, all the way through Monday morning, I FELT LIKE MEGA POO. Bloaty, headachy, bogged down, short-tempered… after all of that, I was SO READY to get back on the plan and feel good again.
The hard part:
Then Day 1 of Round 2 started, and all I wanted was crap I couldn’t have, like croissants with butter, frozen yogurt, cheeseburgers... I felt myself getting in to my old, defiant “I-can-do-whatever-I-wanna-do” mentality. (Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!)
I actually said aloud (quietly) at some point, (a la Dana Carvey’s George Bush impression), “Not gonna do it!” and I was miraculously able to stave off that immature inner voice and get a decent chuckle out of the deal. (I did have a bite of peanut butter cookie they were sampling at the café by my office, though… I know it isn’t much, but I don’t do “moderation” well yet, so even a taste is a slippery slope.)
The lesson(s):
Maybe to healthy people it isn’t a big deal to avoid these foods for a whole day, but to me it is a ginormous, epic victory, every. single. day. A month and a half ago I would have caved to the cravings and justified it by thinking something like “one treat isn’t a big deal,” “maybe I’m overweight, but I’m still healthy,” or “I’m a grownup – I can eat what I want.” I now recognize that, for me at least, those are immature and unhealthy excuses. Did I get satisfaction from eating those foods this weekend? Nope. Every bite was disappointing and laden with guilt and shame.
Now that I’m on Day 2, I’m back to eating well, feeling good, and (nearly) free of the cravings again. Our Round 2 six-week calendar is on the fridge and 2 days of exercise has been logged. I’m proud of myself again.
Random motivation…
I went to scratch the front of my shoulder and, instead of squishy fat yielding to the pressure of my fingertip, I felt (relatively) firm pectoral muscle. Muscle! On me!! YAY!
I had a celebratory weekend where I allowed myself to splurge a bit on wheat products and grown-up beverages, though much less quantity than I would have regularly eaten before starting this. (I started to write out what I had eaten, but seeing the list – even a partial list – made me feel ashamed. I’m almost equally ashamed for deleting the list, but I just couldn’t post it. Good lesson for next time, methinks.)
The easy part:
Throughout the weekend, all the way through Monday morning, I FELT LIKE MEGA POO. Bloaty, headachy, bogged down, short-tempered… after all of that, I was SO READY to get back on the plan and feel good again.
The hard part:
Then Day 1 of Round 2 started, and all I wanted was crap I couldn’t have, like croissants with butter, frozen yogurt, cheeseburgers... I felt myself getting in to my old, defiant “I-can-do-whatever-I-wanna-do” mentality. (Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!)
I actually said aloud (quietly) at some point, (a la Dana Carvey’s George Bush impression), “Not gonna do it!” and I was miraculously able to stave off that immature inner voice and get a decent chuckle out of the deal. (I did have a bite of peanut butter cookie they were sampling at the café by my office, though… I know it isn’t much, but I don’t do “moderation” well yet, so even a taste is a slippery slope.)
The lesson(s):
Maybe to healthy people it isn’t a big deal to avoid these foods for a whole day, but to me it is a ginormous, epic victory, every. single. day. A month and a half ago I would have caved to the cravings and justified it by thinking something like “one treat isn’t a big deal,” “maybe I’m overweight, but I’m still healthy,” or “I’m a grownup – I can eat what I want.” I now recognize that, for me at least, those are immature and unhealthy excuses. Did I get satisfaction from eating those foods this weekend? Nope. Every bite was disappointing and laden with guilt and shame.
Now that I’m on Day 2, I’m back to eating well, feeling good, and (nearly) free of the cravings again. Our Round 2 six-week calendar is on the fridge and 2 days of exercise has been logged. I’m proud of myself again.
Random motivation…
I went to scratch the front of my shoulder and, instead of squishy fat yielding to the pressure of my fingertip, I felt (relatively) firm pectoral muscle. Muscle! On me!! YAY!
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